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'War Dad' dies young in L.A. alley

Inland Valley Daily Bulletin (Ontario, CA) - Saturday, July 31, 2010

Author: Wendy Leung, Staff Writer

RANCHO CUCAMONGA - Juju Sands' father died at the young age of 42 in 1989. Although the coroner's report states he had cirrhosis of the liver, she knows the real cause of his death - the Vietnam War.

Sands, 41, of Rancho Cucamonga, has recently published a book about her father and how the post-traumatic stress disorder he experienced ravaged not just his life but her childhood. Her hope is that "War Dad" will help all the daughters who have fathers returning from war.

"So many girls are going to be facing this because of Afghanistan and Iraq," said Sands, a mother of two. "I know I can show these girls there is hope."

Sands' father, whose real name is not used in the book, was drafted into the Army and deployed to Vietnam for one year.

"When he left, he was a typical teenager, a kid with a good home life," Sands said. "When he came back, he was violent and very angry."

He turned to alcohol and heroin, and although he never physically hurt Sands, he was abusive to her mother.

When Sands was 2, her parents got a divorce, but he had weekly visitation rights. Sands remembers being dragged to drug houses, Skid Row and other squalid corners of society.

"The life he exposed me to was like a movie ... a bad movie," Sands said. "Because of him, I witnessed hell on earth."

On one occasion, 10-year-old Sands was at a bar with her father. When a customer complained after she kept playing the same song on a jukebox, Sands' father stabbed the man with a fork right before her eyes.

"I feared him," Sands said.

From her grandparents, Sands learned about the man she was so afraid of. He was happy and giving, a real lover of music prior to the war.

"I never knew that person," she said. "I only knew the veteran."

It was a rare occasion when she got a glimpse of what the man was like untouched by war. Sands once heard him play his instrument of choice, the clarinet.

"I wondered how can a man so horrible make such beautiful music," she said.

Post-traumatic stress, often referred to as war's invisible wounds, can completely transform a person bringing on fear, confusion, anger and depression. Today, much more is known about the anxiety disorder that continues to plague tens of thousands of soldiers returning from combat.

Terri Tanielian, who co-authored a 2008 study by the RAND Corp. on the effects of post-traumatic stress on returning soldiers, said what we know today about the psychological disorder is owed to the research done following the Vietnam War.

"We didn't have the nomenclature of PTSD back then. In fact it was developed because of the Vietnam War," Tanielian said. "We now know about PTSD better than ever. We have the tools now to detect it, to treat it and to study it. It's because of Vietnam era veterans that really drove the field to make this development."

But according to Tanielian, many of the soldiers' mental health needs still are unmet.

Nearly 20percent of the 300,000 military service personnel returning from Iraq and Afghanistan report symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder or major depression, but only slightly more than half have sought treatment, according to the RAND study. Among those who did seek aid, only half receive the treatment that experts consider "minimally adequate."

Sands fears that many of today's soldiers could end up like her father, untreated and suffering. When she started watching returning soldiers in their fatigues in public life, she was deeply moved, partly because she knew some of their children might end up with a childhood like hers. That was when she decided to write "War Dad."

It's been two decades since Sands last saw her father. She was in her car, stopped at a red light on Whittier Boulevard in Los Angeles when she saw a homeless man out her window. She did a double take.

"It was my dad," Sands said. "He was sitting on a bus stop bench."

Her father appeared drunk and was talking to himself.

"Then the light turned green, and I drove away," she said.

Sands learned about her father's death several years after the fact.

As a Metrolink commuter, Sands became friends with an employee of the coroner's office on the train. With the friend's help, she got her hands on a report that confirmed her suspicions. In 1989, her father, described as a transient, was found dead in an alley in East Los Angeles. A sketch of the body showed a tattoo of Sands' name on his arm.

Despite all the years of pain and fiery rages, Sands believes her father loved her.

"PTSD affects a soldier far more than anyone can understand. I don't believe he wanted to be that person. The war did that to him," she said. "I think he did love me."

Although his name is not on the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, Sands considers her father a casualty of war.

"I saw him slowly die," she said. "Others have dads killed by a roadside bomb. I don't know what's worse. To see your dad slowly die, that's really tough."

After learning of her father's death, Sands visited the Riverside National Cemetery and placed flowers on his grave.

"It was eerie," Sands said. "I couldn't believe the nightmare was over."

Sands said she felt a lot of respect for her father, a man who died for his country.

"I walked away and said, 'Thank you,"' she said.

That was 1991. Sands has not returned to the cemetery since.

"War Dad" is available from the self-publishing company iUniverse, Amazon.com, and Barnes & Noble.com. For more information, visit www.jujusands.com.

Section: News
Record Number: 15647855
(c) 2010 Inland Valley Daily Bulletin. All rights reserved. Reproduced with the permission of Media NewsGroup, Inc. by NewsBank, Inc.

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'War Dad' dies young in L.A. alley

The Beverly Hills Times Magazine

War Dad by JuJu Sands

The word “difficult” is not big enough to describe how tough it is to divulge my deepest pain. If my book wasn’t going to help thousands of women and girls that are affected by soldiers coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan, I would have never told my story. When my “WAR DAD” came back from Vietnam, he was violent, angry, volatile, psychotic, a drug addict, a woman beater, a womanizer, a criminal, and a danger to me, himself, and, most of all, society. It’s ironic how we never hear about this stuff on the evening news.

More than 100,000 American troops are currently in Iraq and Afghanistan. An estimated three hundred thousand are living with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Nearly a third of our soldiers develop serious mental problems three to four months after coming home. Many soldiers live with PTSD, amputations, mental and emotional instabilities in silence. About one-third of children of deployed American soldiers are at risk for developing psychological problems, mainly due to high levels of stress experienced at home. Many wives of veterans report experiencing more acts of family violence. This proves that there is secondary trauma to the family, especially the children. I was one of them.

My dad grew up in a blue-collar area of East Los Angeles. Seems that many boys in his area were drafted. And I grew up with the daughters. Many girls witnessed divorce, physical abuse, drug addiction and sometimes fell into it themselves. The effects of war can live on through generations if someone does not halt the effects. The war, drugs, and heroin took my dad away. Although my father returned alive, he was a casualty of the war. The life we would have had was gone.

“Stop!” I screamed as I tugged on his arm. I begged him, but he had that look in his eyes, and I knew he was at that point of no return. I was crying and shaking uncontrollably.

The night that could have ruined my life began when my father took me to the neighborhood bar down the street from my grandparents’ house, Art’s Bar. I knew I wasn’t allowed at a bar establishment, much less sitting at the bar. To keep my dad calm, I asked for a nickel so I could play a song on the jukebox. I chose “Angel Baby” and played it repeatedly. A man was sitting at the bar with us. He asked, “She’s been playing that song a lot. Can she play another song?” In a split second my dad was in a mad rage. Is this the rage that comes from going to war? “I’ll pick another song,” I said. Too late-my dad got up from the bar and began arguing with this man. “Stop!” I screamed as I tugged on his arm. I begged him, but he had that look in his eyes, and I knew he was at that point of no return. I was crying and shaking uncontrollably. They pushed through the wooden swinging doors and began to physically fight out on the sidewalk. This poor stranger had no idea who my dad was. My dad had fought in the Vietnam War. He knew how to kill! He was on drugs and alcohol. Both backed away from each other. They were in that wrestler’s stance with both arms out to the side. They were circling each other. I noticed that my dad had a fork in his hand. I was screaming and crying out for my dad to stop, but it was too late. He went toward the man and pushed the fork into the man’s body. He stabbed him. I took off running, crying hysterically and I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to faint. I knew I had to mentally overpower what had just happened and convince myself that it was all going to be fine. After years and numerous violent situations and dangerous nights, I built the courage to cutoff my relationship with my dad. I wanted a better life and I was going to get it.

In the early 1990s I was working in downtown Los Angeles. I was surrounded with smart, goal-oriented people, and learning so much about the finance world, stocks, Wall Street, and the inner workings of the real estate industry. Life was great!

After years I located my dad again. I was faxed the Coroner’s report. They found my WAR DAD in an alley. Flies nesting in his nose and ears. His body decomposing as his right hand clutched a bottle of wine. He’d been dead for three days. According to the report, he died of liver failure and was labeled “a known local transient.”

As I’ve worked my way to success, not only was it for my family, but deep inside I wanted people to see that I overcame. I accept the fact that all the horror my dad created could have transpired because of what he experienced in Vietnam. It was too much for him to cope with, and he lost it. I couldn’t possibly begin to comprehend the terror, fear, and pain the soldiers must have felt fighting that guerrilla war.

A special place in my heart is grateful to this man, my dad, who sacrificed his life not only for me, but for you and our country.

Interested in an interview?

juju@jujusands.com